Counting Sheep
by Blissfully.Oblivious
Summary: What happens when Bella gets a pet sheep? How will Edward react? Please R&R!
1. Prologue: Love At First Sight

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters (except for the sheep) they all belong to Stephenie Meyer**

**A/N- Okay, this was just something I wrote when I was bored, I wrote the whole thing, but before I post it all I want to see how people react, and suggestions. Edward and Bella are both rather OOC, but well there is a reason for Edward to be OOC, and you will find out at the end. Enjoy! (or at least try!)**

_Prologue :Love at First Sight_

Random Sheepherder POV-

I noticed that at first the other sheep had been curious about the new sheep, but then, they avoided him like he was the bubonic plague.

It seemed to suit him fine though, even though he was always on the edges of the group, and it looked like he was concentrating on trying to escape. Until one day, when I saw the ancient truck, stopped with the girl in it outside of my driveway, she seemed to be talking to someone on the phone.

I grinned and waited eagerly, not too far away, not too close. As soon as she put the phone down, I went to her car, and used my best fake sad voice. "Excuse me miss, would you be interested in some sheep?" I could see she was about to protest, so I begged, this trick always worked. 'Please, ma'am, I'm already a poor man, and if I don't sell them my boss will fire me, and then the sheep…"

I bowed my head in fake sorrow, but from the corner of my eye I could see she was starting to cave "What will happen to the sheep?" she asked softy, and I buried my head under my arm. "I'm afraid that they will be butchered, and I just can't have that happen! Those sheep are like my children, but I can't keep them, I have a family, and I need money!"

Her eyes softened with sympathy, and she said "Sure, I'll take one." I smiled widely, and ran up the hill to the barn, where the sheep currently were. I scanned through the sheep until I saw the new guy.

Perfect! He was annoying anyways. I nudged him out the door, and down towards the truck, making sure to put back on my sad expression. The woman looked at him and smiled.

"I think I'll name him Chops." She said, and started laughing, I was a little afraid when a few moments later she was still laughing, harder then ever. I cleared my throat, and she wiped her eyes. "Right, payment."

She took out her checkbook, and I got her to pay a little more then he was actually worth, but hey, a man needs to make a living, right?

Then, she loaded him up in her truck, and was off; I waved, until she was out of sight. Then, I did a little dance, and called at her "SUCKER!" The whole fake, sad thing always worked.

Bella POV-

I wasn't always much of an animal person, but for some reason I really liked Chops.

I began to think of him as a person, even calling him my little baby. I was happy that I had seen that Shepard, even though I knew he had scammed me. I looked into his innocent eyes, and I loved him instantly. I knew that I shouldn't get attached to him, because, what would Edward think? And, more importantly, what about Charlie? I sighed; I would just have to figure this out later.

**Don't say I didn't warn it was stupid because I did. Please review!**


	2. Edward Meets Chops

**A/N- Okay, well, like I said, don't say I didn't warn you it was stupid. Sorry for my crappy writing skills. **

_Edward Meets Chops-_

Edward POV-

"Edward, I've got a surprise Bella said as I walked her to her door after school. I rolled his eyes, Bella's surprises weren't always good.

"Great!" I said "What is it."

"I got new pet, a sheep, his name is Chops, you know like baby sheep are called lambs, and people eat lamb chops." As she said this little joke she started laughing hysterically, I just stared at her, Bella was still laughing and tears were starting to form in her eyes.

"Bella it's not funny, not at all." I said, rolling my eyes yet again today. As the laughter died down, I started to register what she had said, and it surprised me.

"You… you got a pet! A sheep? Why a sheep?" I was panicking, animals and I didn't get a long, at all, never, not gonna happen. Bella just made an annoyed face.

"Yes I got a pet, is that a problem? Why does it matter when I got my adorable little Choppers, he's so cute and sweet, and you'll love him I promise!" She patted my arm reassuringly and I grudgingly entered the house. There was a big fluffy white puffball sitting on Charlie's couch.

As soon as Bella saw it she dropped her bag and ran to him cooing. "How's mommy's wittle Choppers? Have you been a good boy while I was gone? I'm so sorry that I left you alone." As Bella hugged the fluffy thing it let out a loud "Bah." I sulked in the corner, Bella was never this happy to see me, this stupid sheep isn't even that adorable, I am more adorable then that, right?

The sheep bahed again more loudly and Bella finally let go of the wretched thing, still cooing at it she said "Of course! I'm sorry, my baby must be hungry." I flinched at the way she called the thing 'her baby' and Bella walked (or tripped) out side to get the fluff ball food. As soon as she was out of sight the stupid thing turned at me, and I could see the evil in its eyes as it let out a low "Bahhhhh." The lazy thing climbed off the couch, and walked up to me cautiously, all the sudden it jumped up and bit my hand, mind you, it didn't hurt because of my granite hard skin, but having a stupid blobby fur ball hanging off your hand is extremely annoying, trust me I know, really. "Stupid, darn fur ball." I said as I tried to pull the thing off my finger, to no avail.

Finally, I resorted to flinging it across the room onto the couch. "How's momma's wittle baby Choppers now. " I taunted it, and Bella came rushing in, as I was really starting to question my sanity, talking to a sheep. "Choppers are you alright." She cried as she entered the room. _Oh, sure, don't worry about me, worry about you're stupid pet! I wish Bella would just eat it anyways; people eat sheep, keeping one as a pet is utterly ridiculous. _"My baby!" she cried as she noticed Choppers laying upside down right beneath the couch. "Edward! What did you do to Choppers! You're horrible; I can't believe you would do this! The poor innocent little helpless creature, how could you do this!" I stared at her in shock, me! I didn't do anything! "But Bella! I didn't do anything, your stupid baby" I hissed the word "was the one that started it! I was just defending myself." Bella nudged up the creature and glared at me as she said "Sure, blame it on the sheep. Defending yourself against this poor helpless creature, animal cruelty is what they call it!" She stormed out of the room with her 'precious baby' following and I just stared, I was fighting with Bella, my girlfriend the one I loved about something that was supposed to be food. How did my normal vampire life get so screwy?

**What will happen to Edward now! 00 Read on to find out!**


	3. Mental Breakdown

**A/N- And I continue my 'wonderful' story with another chapter. I hope you enjoy!**

_Mental Breakdown-_

Edward POV-

"That stupid fur ball, I mean why does Bella even like it, she's supposed to eat it" I was cut off by Alice's laughter and I folded my arms across my chest, I had expected her to be supportive "What's so funny?" I demanded as Alice tried to stop her bouts of laughter. Taking a deep breathe she said "I'm sorry, it's just, you got attacked by a sheep, by your girlfriend's pet sheep. And you're jealous of it." Alice sighed "What is our existence coming to?" she asked and I got up, I didn't really know what to answer her question with, so I continued to argue with her "I'm not jealous of Bella's 'wittle baby'" I sneered "That stupid thing hates me! Why does she like it so much?" I began pacing and Alice's laughter started again, "Edward" –laugh- "What are we going to do with you, jealous of a sheep. Just try to stay with Bella at all times next time you go, so you won't be alone with 'that disastrous creature'" she mimicked my voice exactly and I stomped out of the room. Esme looked at me with concern and said "Edward what's wrong?" I glared at her and said "Must you all keep making me a fool over a stupid sheep, named Chops! Who frickin' names a sheep Chops?" I screamed as I read Esme's thoughts, _Oh dear, I knew this would happen, Edward was always such a stable young man, it was obvious that he was going to crack someday, maybe I should have Carlisle see him… _

"STUPID SHEEP!" I yelled down the stairs at Emmet, Rosalie and Jasper, I ran down the stairs and got in their faces "What's it to all of you? Huh? Sheep, stupid sheep. What's next a donkey, a devil donkey, I swear to you the 'precious baby' is defiantly the devil's spawn, let's name it Damien, its better then feakin' Chops." I was truly loosing my head as I shouted in Rosalie's face, mimicking Bella's voice "Oh, I'll just go feed my precious little baby and leave you with him' she left me with the devil's spawn! I swear that thing isn't a real sheep, it's possessed! If I was ruler of the world, all sheep would die, I would burn them, burn them all, and then have their ashes sent to the sun so that there was no way they could come back." I was getting hysterical now, and my voice was a high pitch that sounded very unlike me. "I think I will take over the world, and rid of all the sheep. Yes," I said, a plan forming in my mind "I will take over, it will be simple, then they will call me 'Our Savior Who purified the World' I would sit on a thrown of gold and have pictures of sheep being tortured everywhere, I would preach to all my citizens about the evils of the sheep, and we would create weapons and torture devices, just in case they come back, oh we will be ready, we will be ready."

The others, including Esme and Alice, who had both come down the stairs at my outburst were staring at me and Carlisle came in the door whistling "Hey guys." He said cheerfully, and I pushed past him out the door, before I ran I away I looked back at them and screamed "STUPID SHEEP!"

Rosalie POV-

I got extremely confused when Edward came down the stairs yelling some nonsense about sheep. It was disturbing watching my usually cool, clam and collected brother screaming nonsense about taking over the world and devils spawn sheep. When he stopped yelling and ran out the door all of us were left staring after him, feeling extremely confused. After a second, Emmet just shrugged and walked upstairs, like this was something that would happen normally everyday, finally Carlisle said "So, what was that about?" Alice sighed, and smiled mischievously

'Oh, don't worry about him, he's just jealous, Bella got a pet-"Esme cut her off dryly "A sheep I'm guessing?" Alice nodded "Right. And, well, Edward's a little jealous because Bella was giving it a lot of attention, and there was something about it attacking him. Mostly it's just him overreacting." I shook my head trying to figure all this out, _Okay, so Bella got a pet, a pet sheep? And she pays a lot of attention to it so Edward is jealous, and it attacked him? I really wish I was still human, I doubt that things could get any stranger then what is happening here. _


	4. An Evil Genius's Plan

**A/N-I don't really know what to say, so just read the story, sorry this chapter is sort of short. **

_An Evil Genius's Plan-_

3rd Person POV-

The handsome vampire walked through the forest mumbling gibberish to himself and occasionally saying stupid sheep and twitching. He was planning; he was making his world domination plans so that he could rid the world of the cursed plaque, also called sheep. Without thinking, he arrived at a very familiar house, the one with the devil's spawn itself, and he braced himself to go in.

Edward POV-

I closed my eyes and braced myself for the scent of sheep, but the sheep wasn't there, and neither was Bella or her old truck, I smiled in spite of myself _Good, she must be taking that creature back, or drowning it in the lake, now she can be my queen when I conquer the world and save all man/vampire kind. _I gleefully entered the house and sat down on the couch, closing my eyes so I could continue to plan.

After a while I heard Bella's ancient truck pull into the driveway, and my satisfaction covered over everything else. I heard the door open, and Bella exclaim "Edward!" happily, right before I opened my eyes I heard a sound that will for ever haunt for as long as I live, er, exist or whatever. The sounds of a sheep, the devils spawn itself. My eyes flashed open and my first thought was to protect Bella, to tell her that the sheep really hadn't drowned and that it had followed her home to kill her in her sleep. But I was quickly unbalanced when I saw another one, this one was more ugly and mean looking then the other. "Bella! Watch out! They aren't dead, they followed you home!" I threw myself across the room, and hid Bella behind me, I hissed and growled at the ugly things, who cowered in the corner. "Edward!" Bella said, shoving me away from her, annoyed. "What are you doing, scaring the poor sheep? Look I got another. I felt bad leaving Choppers alone, so I got him a friend. See, isn't he cute? I named him Edward, after you."

My poor Bella, there was nothing I could do for her now, they had brainwashed her, the only way to stop it was to capture the king and queen of the evil sheep society, yes, my plan was shaping itself nicely. I would only have to wait three days, Charlie came home from his extended fishing trip in three days, and he would never allow these creatures in his house, he would send them away, and that's hen I would strike! I would follow them to the underground home and take over, maybe I could get Emmet to help me, or Alice, but no, not Alice, she has already been brainwashed by the sheep, she will be so thankful that I saved her. I laughed loud like a manic; I would be the one to save the world from the curse of the sheep. I laughed all the way home.

**A/N- If you're confused tell me in a review or whatever. I'll probably post the next chapter soon, or maybe right now. Now I'm just rambling, so read the next chapter. **

**Oh, yeah, and BAHHHHH! Fear the sheep! **

**Proceed. **


	5. Recruiting New Troops

**This is probably one of my favorite chapters, Edward really starts to go crazy. giggle making fun of Edward is so fun!**

_Recruiting New Troops-_

Emmet POV-

When Edward came home from Bella's house he was laughing crazily, and his eye was twitching slightly. I wondered if this had something to do with him running off yesterday after screaming. I walked down the stairs to see Edward pacing, back and forth, back and forth up and down the hallway, as soon as he saw me his face filled with glee and an evil grin spread across his face. "Emmet!' he said "You're just the vampire I wanted to see! Do you want to help me overthrow the evil sheep monarchy and free all our friends and family from the sheep's evil holds?" I thought about it quickly and asked 'Will we be smashing things?" Edward let out a high pitched, manic laugh "Yes, my dear brother, we will smash and smash and smash, until we have crushed the entire secret society of sheep." I shrugged "Sure, sounds fun." Edward may be crazy, but I'm always game for smashing, so I was eager to join in. All the sudden Edward looked around, and jumped behind the couch, screeching. "Great, I'll tell you about the plan later, but I must leave to organize patrols, you see I have other secret agents also working for me, you will get a message in code soon, don't let the enemy find out." With that he ran out of the house screeching, and I chuckled, but it was caught short in my throat as I heard a yell from upstairs. "EMMET! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY NEW SKIRT??" Rosalie's voice demanded from above. I thought for a second, new skirt, ah yes, Rosalie had asked me to bring it up to our room, and then, I had started watching the football game, then I got bored, and, oh yeah, so _that's_ what I set on fire, I couldn't remember! I shouted back in my best Swedish accent "No Emmet aqui. Soy Debora, no habla ingles." And took off running after Edward, with my super vampire hearing, I heard Rosalie scream "EMMET! I KNOW IT"S YOU! NO ONE ELSE WOULD SPEAK IN SPANISH WITH A SWEDISH ACCENT!"

Edward POV-

I walked down the isle in the store until I saw them. They were just sitting there, and they seemed to have a heavenly glow around them, they were perfect, they seemed to be calling my name, as I grabbed all 18 bags of animal crackers. I cackled madly, "Let's see who thinks Edward's a loony now." As soon as I had paid for my new soldiers, I raced out of the store, running fast all the way home. When I got home I ran to my room, shut the door and dumped all the bags on the floor, whistling as I worked. I sorted through them all, categorizing them by animals, until I came across, you guessed it, a sheep, I hissed as loud as possible and threw it across the room, I looked in the bag, and to my horror, there were even more sheep in there. Then, I had another genius idea, I picked out all the sheep, with a pair of tweezers, making sure not to touch any of them, and put them in a plastic bag. I opened my door, and called "Emmet, I need your help!" once again my brother would come to be of use to me, "Emmet!" I called again, but he wasn't there, but Rosalie was "Have you seen Emmet?" she demanding, "Because when I find him, he is so in trouble." I snorted "Rosalie, I don't have time fro your trivial problems, I'm trying to save the world here, and when all you care about is you're new skirt." As she walked away, I heard her thoughts. _Great, my husband ruined my new skirt, and my brother's completely losing his marbles. _I contemplated throwing the bag of sheep at her, but decided against it, I wouldn't want to let them control Rosalie, my own sister's mind. Just then, Alice danced around the corner, and I took the opportunity. "Alice! You like to burn things right?" I asked, and Alice looked at me strangely 'Umm, well, I wouldn't call it a hobby. Why don't you ask Emmet, did you hear what he did to Rosalie's skirt." She said as a scream was heard from downstairs "HE BURNED IT!" she shouted, and Alice snorted, 'I'd better go sort that out." She said, and bounded down the stairs. That left me there, my eye twitching, and Jasper came around as a smile filled my face "Hey Jasper, wait up…"

**Later….**

Jasper POV-

I watched Edward laugh like a lunatic next to me, as the sheep animal crackers burned. I wasn't even going to ask what that was about, but I was a little frightened, thinking maybe Carlisle should see him. No matter how much I tried to calm him with my 'special' gift, it wasn't working, he just stood there, twitching, mumbling to himself and occasionally attacking the air, I would defiantly have to talk to Carlisle later. Edward stopped his mad laughing abruptly and said in a serious tone "I'm sorry, but I must go organize the troops now, we have to prepare for war." He looked both directions, and leaned in towards me whispering "We plan to launch an attack soon, so if I'm not here, you know where I'll be." He saluted me and marched off, I put out the fire, realizing that he really needed help, and went to go find Alice, in hopes that she could restore the sanity around me.

Edward POV-

"March men march! We're going into war here! Private, what's the status of your unit?" I looked down at the little camel cracker. "Good, alright men, take a break, good work today." I left my troops and went out into the hallway, I needed to find Emmet to make sure he got the message I had sent him. "Emmet!" I called, as I entered his and Rosalie's room, I took no notice to her as I said "Did you get the message I sent you/" Emmet looked confused, 'What message, no I don't think so." I bowed my head "The poor soldier must have been intercepted by the enemy, he was a brave one, please, excuse me." I left the room, sobbing tearless sobs in memory of the soldier lost. When I got back I had the men hold a vigil for him, I was surprised, none of them moved or talked during the entire thing.

**DUN! DUN! DUN! What will happen? Is Edward really loosing his marbles? Review to find out! **


	6. A Second, More Rational Plan

**Ok, well I only have like two or three chapters left after this one, so sad. Anyways, this chapter may be a bit confusing so, if you are confused pm me or say it in a review or whatever. Read and review please!**

_A Second, More Rational Plan-_

Rosalie POV-

I heard Alice laughing in her room, so I went up to see what it was. I found her laughing, hysterically on her bed, and I just stared and raised an eyebrow. Finally she noticed me and stopped. "What was that about?" I asked, interested. "I just had an…amusing vision." This started the giggles again, finally she continued "Edward and sheep, we need to borrow those sheep from Bella, I have a plan." I smiled "Do tell." And walked to the bed, as Alice told me all about her. 'And the best thing is," she said "he is too wrapped up in his lunatic taking over the world business, he won't even try to read our minds." I smiledthis actually might work.

Alice POV-

I knocked on the door for the second time and Bella answered it with her flock of sheep around her, I noticed that now she had four, instead of the original one that Edward had told me about. "Oh hi!" Bella said "I haven't seen you in ages, come in." Rosalie and I stepped in, smiling, and Rose said "Umm… nice, er, sheep." Bella beamed. "Aren't they adorable? This one's Choppers, this one's Edward, I named him after the vampire himself, and these, well I thought maybe Edward and Choppers wanted girlfriends, so this one's Fiona, and this one's Mango." She looked at the sheep fondly, and I smiled again "They are adorable, I wanted to know if I could borrow them, you see Edward felt horrible about what he did to them, he wouldn't face you, but he wanted desperately to apologize to the sheep, so I figured I would surprise him, and bring the sheep to him." Bella's face brightened up even more, "Really? He said that? I didn't think that he would ever get along with them, sure you can take them, why don't I go get them some food and toys." I smiled at Rosalie, and we bumped fists as she said "Step one is go."

_Preparing for War!-_

Edward POV-

I paced in my room, surrounded by my faithful army, as I gave my speech "Men! I want you all to know I'm proud of you, no matter what happens. Fight your hardest, the enemy we are going against is unpredictable and harsh, some of you have been in the bag with sheep before and have experienced the evils of the sheep. Soon we will go into war, and the outcome is something no one can predict, but whatever happens I will proud of you, my army, and I will fight to the death!" I was interrupted my the horrible sound of a scream from my sister Alice as she entered my room, "Edward! Help! It's the sheep, they have Rosalie!" I turned to my faithful soldiers, and saluted "It's time." I rushed out to see Rosalie standing just in the backyard, Alice followed me. "Edward! I just managed to get away from them, you have to do something!" I nodded "Don't worry, I won't let the wretched creatures get at you my dear sisters. HUZZAH!" I flung myself at the four sheep in our backyard, and Choppers, the leader came after me first, biting my toe, another one, a female bit my hand, and I screamed, trying to fight them off."

Alice POV-

Rosalie and I laughed, as we watched Edward run around screaming and attacking invisible enemies. The sheep weren't really attacking him, he was just imagining it. The sheep just stood, out of Edward's reach, calming eating their food. Rosalie and I were lucky that Edward was so focused on his sheep problem to try to read our minds, or even notice that both of us were laughing when we talked to him, and that Rosalie, who supposedly just got attacked by the devil's spawn, was holding a video camera. "Wow this is great." Rosalie said. "Yeah," I laughed 'that's what he gets for messing with me and hiding my credit cards last week." Rosalie tried to hold the camera steady as she laughed even harder, all the ruckus drew Jasper out, I didn't know where Emmet was though, probably still hiding from Rosalie. "Wow." He said, and this simple word said it all, it's not everyday that you see you're calm brother babble like an idiot and run around attacking imaginary sheep.

Chopper's POV-

Bahhhhh! I'm not sure what the vampire is doing, but it's scary, I'm making sure that I stay out of his way, because I remember last time when I was just standing there, minding my own business, his arms hit me, and the next thing I knew, my body hit the wall.

The sooner I get out of this place and return to the Mafia, the better. Yeah, that's right, I said the Mafia, you may think I was mixing with bad people/sheep, but they really not all that bad, shoot a few people, rob some banks, and drink a lot, like I said not that bad. I had gotten lost from the rest of the gang, and well, I couldn't exactly run or drive to catch up to them, because of the simple fact that I'm a sheep, but then I got picked up by this person with all these goody-goody sheep who did nothing interesting "let's go eat grass" is what they said, or 'let's go play in the meadow" yeah, as soon as I suggested going to a bar, they didn't talk to me anymore. Then this lady came, who liked hugging came and she got me, then I met the vampire, yeah, I know who I'm taking out when I'm reunited with my friends, then she got 'friends' for me, stupid friends, I asked them how many men they killed, and they didn't talk to me after that.

Yeah well, anyways, back to now-time, this vampire was rampaging, and screeching while three other were rolling around in laughter. One of them was holding a video camera, I wish I could have, but because of the fact that I don't have opposable thumbs, well, yeah, you know. I better start planning for my escape back to the Mafia.

**Mu ha ha ha ha ha! I love Choppers, he's my favorite character, and I'm considering writing another story later about his adventures. Tell me what you thought of it, and review, pretty, pretty please? **


	7. Better Than A Shrink

**Alrighty, here's my next chapter. Sorry, for the last chapter I accidentally put two chapters together, but unfortunately I'm way to lazy to change that, so it will stay like that. I'm glad that people actually like this story, I thought they would all think that it was stupid. I'm seriously surprised. **

**So, I'll stop babbling, and give you the story already. Please enjoy!**

_Better Than a Shrink-_

Rosalie POV-

Watching Edward making a fool of himself was completely hilarious, and the best part was that we had a video camera. We were just sitting there, Alice, Jasper, and I, laughing our heads off, when, all the sudden Carlisle comes up behind us. 'Guys," he said "What is happening?" Alice and I exchanged a look, and she said, "It's a long story, but I do think you should see him, this isn't healthy, and he has an army of animal crackers in his room." I burst out laughing again, I had heard Edward talking in his room, but I didn't know he was talking to _animal crackers_. Jasper joined in on the laugh, then Alice, and then Carlisle, but only for a short time, then he sighed and said "Will you guys help me to restrain him?" We all managed to mumble yes through our laughter, and we grabbed Edwards flailing arms and legs, as he shouted "But the sheep, they must be defeated." I looked at Jasper, and he nodded, Edward got a little calmer, and we were able to drag him inside. "Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, hold him down." As he said this, and we were pushing Edward down on the floor Emmet came down. "Umm, Carlisle, shouldn't we have Edward see a shrink or something." I just looked at Emmet, a look that said _I'm still mad at you for setting my skirt on fire._ He looked away from my gaze and Alice said "I don't think a shrink would like to see a vampire who has an obsession over sheep, yeah, that would go over well. Plus, Carlisle is better then a shrink." Emmet shrugged and came down to look at Edward, who wasn't fighting anymore, just sort of twitching and mumbling. "Emmet" Carlisle said, coming behind use with his bag of doctor things "Can you hold him down, while you're down here, you might as well be useful." Jasper, Alice, and I let go and Emmet held Edward down. "I have to go bring Bella's sheep back." Alice said, and I jumped up and followed her, "I'll come with her." And so we left the twitching vampire to return some sheep to their rightful owner, and I thought it couldn't get any weirder then being a vampire.

**Later….**

Jasper POV-

Alice and Rosalie had just gotten back from returning the sheep, and Alice slipped over by me and held my hand, "Did you tell Bella what happened?" I asked, and Alice just smiled and laughed, which I guessed was a yes. Carlisle and Emmet came out, closing and locking the door behind them and Esme, who had recently gotten home from some meeting jumped up "Is he alright." Carlisle smiled assuring, "Yes, don't worry, it's just sort of, and allergic reaction. I think it might have something to do with being a vampire, he hasn't really had a close encounter with sheep since then, since animals tend not to like us, and we tend not to like them. He should be alright soon, no longer then two days. We'll just leave him alone in that room to fantasize about his army of crackers, and he should be alright soon." We all just looked at him, I guess that this whole vampire thing was a lot stranger then we had thought, it didn't really matter to me, as long as I didn't have a raving mad brother who yells about sheep and has an army of crackers, I was fine. So, all in all this turned out to be a very strange day, for all of us.

**Sadly enough (or happily enough if you hate this story) I only have one more chapter and an epilogue. Also, make sure you check out the stories by vampiress225 and Vampiress19, they are on my favorite authors list. And, well, that's all…..**

**OK, I'll shut up, I have a tendency to make the authors notes really long, as I'm doing right now. Wow, I talk a lot, sorry if you just wasted a minute of your life reading this. **


	8. Escape

**Wow, I'm sorry, I haven't updated for a while, I completely forgot. And for he few people who read the story Fearful, I should have the next chapter out over the weekend (probably) and for the people who read A 'Nice' Dinner, the next chapter will be out sometime, that's all I can say, sometime, I'm having a major writer's block with that. So, now that you're down listening.. er…reading my ramblings, enjoy the next chapter. **

_Escape_

Choppers POV-

I decided that tonight was the night, after we had gotten back from that crazy place, and the hugging lady had gone to bed, I crept out by the door, all I needed to do was open the door and I was on my way to freedom. As I sat there, contemplating a way to open it, a bright light filtered through the window and the sound of tires screeching to a halt could be heard. A car door slammed, and the hugging women walked down the stairs and said groggily "Charlie?" A middle-aged man walked through the door. "Bells!" he said, embracing the woman 'I got home early, we weren't catching anything so we decided to-" he stopped abruptly and stared at me, I gave my most innocent "Bah!" The man, Charlie said "A sheep? What's a sheep doing in my house?" Bella cringed as he face started to turn red and said "I was lonely, and I wanted a pet." Charlie sighed "It isn't staying, first thing tomorrow, we're taking it back." I heard nothing else as I noticed the door was still open. I stood up ever so slowly, and casually walked to the door, then I started running, fast as I could, "See ya lata suckers!" I yelled back at them. It wouldn't take me long at all to find the Mafia, soon I could get back to the good life.

Bella POV-

Charlie said the sheep had to leave, I was pretty sure I had to give them back anyways, because of Edward's phobia of them, but Charlie was pretty mad. Especially when he found out there was more then one sheep, _three _more to be exact. Well, actually Choppers ran away, I think Charlie might have scared him, at first I was worried, but I was sure he would get back to that nice shepherd who gave him to me. Alice told me that they got a video of Edward spazzing; I can't wait to see that. All the time in the past he has made fun of me, now it will be reversed. I hope Edward comes around soon, I haven't seen him for two days (well, except for that time with the sheep, but that doesn't count) and it was killing me. At least when the sheep leave, things can get back to normal, or at least as normal for a vampire/human couple.

**This is the last chapter, and then an epilogue, so sad, oh well. He he he he he, I love Choppers. I'm not posting the epilogue until the weekend, when I )hopefully) will post the next chapter for Fearful. **


	9. Epilogue

**And finally! I have it up! Even though I've had it writtem this whole time! I'm terrible I really am. Oh well, here's the last part of Counting Sheep. Enjoy. **

_Epilogue-_

3rd Person POV

"Let's watch it again!" Bella said as Rosalie grabbed the remote, and rewinded the video as Emmet fought off Edward who was trying to get the remote. Alice said "Edward, don't be a bad sport, you know it's funny." Edward just sat down next to Bella and crossed his arms, "No it's not." He said firmly. Bella reached over and grabbed his hand. "Come on Edward, just one more time." She said and Edward grudgingly agreed.

He was sorry though. He was the only one who wasn't hysterically laughing, Esme was even caught laughing, and she said "Edward, I'm but, well, it is funny." After that there was a game of charades, where all the answers were Edward. "Okay" said Alice standing up "Who am I?" She starting barking commands at an animal cracker that Jasper had gotten her; there was another round of hysterical laughter. 'It's NOT funny!" Edward said, but the others chose to ignore him, and Bella went up. "I'll take over the world, and kill the sheep, burn the sheep, sheep are evil, sheep are the devil's spawn, I must get some animal crackers to become my army!" Everyone continued to laugh, and Edward stood up, "It's not funny!" he said again. And then Jasper came up 'Jasper, burn the sheep crackers for me, burn them burn them all." Then he started to twitch and mutter to himself, randomly jumping and attacking nothing. Everyone laughed and Edward screamed "IT'S NOT FUNNY! I'M NOT GOING TO BE HUMILIATED BECAUSE OF THIS!" he stormed out of the room, and Rosalie threw a paper sheep at him. He managed to restrain himself enough to not turn around, and a loud crash was heard as the front door came crashing down. Bella laughed and yelled "Well, someone needs anger management." The Cullens and Bella laughed as the bronze-haired vampire came stomping in and up the stairs. "Probably to his room to talk to his army." Emmet whispered to Rosalie, who let out a giggle, and Edward just continued to stomp up the stairs.

**Sorry it took so long, I forgot about this...and everything here, sorry guys. You probably forgot about this story already. Well, I hope you enjoyed it! )**


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